saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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