Sponge bath it is.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize