Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
