I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
