"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
