im six kinds of drunk right now
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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