Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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