I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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