I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
