That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What a dumb baby whore.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
