after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
