I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you would pick up someone in the library
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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