Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
