Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
