found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
