I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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