Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize