i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
