She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize