What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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