i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize