Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
