Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
