Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
