I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize