You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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