oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
