you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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