i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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