My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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