The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
