my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
