Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
