This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
