I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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