tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As shirtless as possible
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
