I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
