she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
third nipple confirmed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
