dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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