I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
