I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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