Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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