At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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