If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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