party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
