Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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