Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
