ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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