I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
