You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
