i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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