Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
