you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So squirting runs in the family.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
