Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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