Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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