My sheets look like a crime scene.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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