I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize