u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
