u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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