is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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