At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
