this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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