at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize