Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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