Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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