I just pynch a tree in the face
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am naked and annoyed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
