think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just cropdusted the office
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
