My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Someone stole a lamp last night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize