I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
