she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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