I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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