Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yo dont text me then not text me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
