if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
