I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
