I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize