she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
