sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
