I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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