No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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