i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
