He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
