Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
