You made me cry and you don't even care
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Panties = found
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize