dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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