The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
