I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
