PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
