Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
