did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize