sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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