just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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