Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
