oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize