Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
