Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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