at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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