Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
