Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
