from now on my penis is your penis
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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